As is normally the case on a Monday night, I was all set to watch an episode of Family Guy, so I could continue towards my unending quest to memorize each and every script. And lo and behold, according to my digital cable guide, it was going to be one I hadn't seen before. But I just happened to stop on ESPN, because I had read somewhere that the Home Run Derby was tonight.
I watched as Justin Morneau and Ryan Braun stroked some pretty decent totals of 7 and 8 home runs. I say decent; come on, they're hitting baseballs one and a half football fields in front of millions of viewers. And then a large man named Josh Hamilton made his way to the batters' box.
Holy crap.Here's a retrospective (and so possibly slightly inaccurate) record of my thoughts as I watched what unfolded.
8:24pm - Hmm, Josh Hamilton. I've heard of this guy. I went to a couple of Rangers games, and in one they played Tampa. Having fallen behind 5-4, Hamilton had a chance to win the game with two on, one out in the bottom of the ninth. We Ranger faithful rose to our feet, hoping that our little team might pull off a miracle and pull that much closer to a .500 record. Fly out. Crap. Oh well, maybe this guy can show me something here at the Derby.
8:29pm - Good start, he has 6 home runs and only 4 outs. The first one went to left-center, which was crazy, because he's a leftie. Looks like he'll get the 8 he needs to get to the second round. Nice to know someone else named Josh is doing well for himself.
8:32pm - Wow, he just hit one over 500 ft. They mentioned the record was Sammy Sosa with 524. Sure seems like these are going farther.
8:35pm - Up to 10 home runs! Still only 6 outs. I bet those tattoos only work if you have actual muscles. Maybe I should exercise some restraint and hold off on that.
8:38pm - My buddy John from Longview just IMed me making sure I was watching. Luckily, I was able to honestly put on the "I love baseball" facade, because I already was watching. This is awesome, but I'm missing Family Guy, surely he'll lose some steam here.
8:42pm - John and I keep exhchanging Wows on AIM. We're up to 18, and only 8 outs! Only 6 away from Bobby Abreu's record. The guy who's pitching to him is like 71...he might need some Vitamin Water before it's all said and done. He'll have to pitch the next 2 rounds, too.
8:45pm - Jumping up and down in my room in disbelief. Calling people. Texting people. He's hit shots to the upper deck, to the back of center field, off a Mastercard sign. Holy crap. Chris Berman is running out of things to say. "Back, back, back, that ball is going all the way to...uh...um...Lake Erie!"
8:51pm - He just hit one that I could've sworn was a pop out. Yet it carried all the way out to the upper deck on right field! I'm looking forward to watching this on ESPN classic in 6 years. 22!
8:54pm - 26!!! Is this real?? He hasn't hit an out since Family Guy started at 8:30, which by the way, I'm missing for this! Oh, what I wouldn't give for a DVR. They just showed a stat on ESPN, he's hit over two miles' worth of home run goodness. Nuts.
9:01pm - Well, what a disappointment. He stopped at only 28! How dare he quit on us like that. No really, that was pretty frickin' awesome. Especially for a guy who had a drug problem like 4 years ago. It was weird, after a while, it was almost boring and exciting at the same time...he hit like 14 straight! Unreal. And it's great, because it looks like there's no asterisk with this guy like there was with Bonds.
Almost as entertaining was this commercial that kept coming on. "I'm gonna kick some dirt!"
Peace.
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