In Josh's Head

WARNING: rambly, stream-of-consciousness, and ridiculously self-absorbed blog entry ahead. I pledged I wouldn't go in this direction on my blog, but hey, who reads this thing anyway?

Ever had one of those situations when you feel like you're supposed to be enjoying a moment, but other attitudes brought on by other circumstances just get in the way? For a few reasons, I have had a rather cynical, almost bitter view of the world lately. That cynical tone is there in my head and influences my thoughts, but those thoughts luckily don't come out in everyday conversation. (Which is good, because if it did, people would get tired of me very quickly.)

Occasionally I'll be doing something cool, interesting, or otherwise not-sucky, but all of a sudden I'll remember, "Josh, you should be cynical and bitter right about now." Then that attitude invades my psyche, and it takes a good deal of effort to quell it. It's happened sort of often in the last two or three weeks.

I figure it's just a phase. I've worked to avoid excessive cynicism in my life (OK, I seriously need a thesaurus right about now...I can only use the word "cynical" so many times in three paragraphs), so there's no reason to believe I can't overcome this pattern, too. Take politics for example. I grew up as the only Democrat I knew in school and was dismissed as misinformed and wrong mostly everywhere I turned. But I learned over time that the correct response is to not fire back childishly, "No, you're wrong." It's better (usually) to just accept that's the way the other person views the world, and just stick to what you believe in. Which I feel is a pretty positive, decidedly un-bitter attitude. As John Lennon famously crooned, "Let it be."

But lately, it's difficult to hold on to such positive attitudes. So much so that it encroaches on my day-to-day experiences. Guess it just needs to get out of my system. In due time.