From the mind that brought you (1) a priceless skeleton spraying a priceless work of art with caviar for no good reason, (2) outlandish predictions for the turn of the next millennium, and (3) a large grizzly bear brazenly, but rather enthusiastically, performing a shameful act (which we will leave nameless) in front of live studio audiences...
Unless you’ve been cryogenically frozen over the last three weeks, you have heard Conan’s Tonight Show has been forced off the air in favor of Jay Leno. Following several shows in which Conan expressed his bitterness against his bosses at NBC in various ways, he ended his run nine days ago rather graciously. (A $33 million settlement will do that.) But it wasn’t his gratitude to NBC that caught my attention.
Right before picking up his Les Paul and riding off into the late-night sunset by performing a rendition of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Freebird” -- complete with ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons (with beard), good buddy Will Ferrell (with cowbell), Ben Harper, and of course, Max Weinberg -- Conan expressed this jewel of wisdom to his viewers that really hit home with me:
“All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people that watch. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality. It doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you. It’s just true.”
He's right. I go through ups and downs like anyone, and it always seems like those downs correlate with cynicism. It’s tough to figure which is the cause and which is the effect (i.e., do my downs cause me to be cynical, or does being cynical cause my downs). But either way, striving to avoid excessive negativity is the way to live.
Just recently discovered well-traveled folk singer-songwriter Todd Snider. Maybe you should, too. After my first glance: his sometimes lazily twangy, sometimes crazily upbeat, but always entertaining lyrically and musically tracks fit right into that mold of a great live act. We'll see, because he plays at Dallas's Granada Theater tomorrow night.
Talkin' Seattle Blues
First, a fun little jab at 90s grunge rock. "Hang your hair down in your eyes, you'll make a million dollars".
Better Than Ever Blues, Pt. 2
And second, one of those songs that gets you through the day and makes you feel a little better about yourself. Love that finger-pickin' guitar and banjo in the second half.
1. Don't look now, but the Oklahoma City Thunder are 7th in the West.
What do you know, I was right about something!
Recall my post at the beginning of the year, when I predicted OKC would fight their way through the loaded Western Conference competition and emerge from the regular season fray with a playoff spot.
And here they are, halfway through the season, poised to make a run to the playoffs. And NOBODY wants to play 1 game against these guys, let alone a 7-game series. They're young, they're athletic, they're big and long, and they have Kevin Durant, who is averaging almost 30 points per game. Damn.
They've scored wins against elite competition, including impressive home victories against the Mavs and Magic. And they've crashed the party on the road in Phoenix, San Antonio, and most recently, in Atlanta against a REALLY good (and similarly athletic) Hawks team. At 12-9, they've quietly built the third-best road record in the West.
From an outsider looking in, here's my take: they're missing a big man and a pure point guard. But even that's nitpicking. Really, experience is the most important missing ingredient. Sure, they're not winning any playoff series for a year or two, but their future is very bright.
2. As much as I hated Shaquille O'Neal four years ago, I love him now.
And if that NBA on ESPN commercial isn't enough to convince you, wait until you hear his proposal for this year's Slam Dunk contest. First a little background:
This year's All-Star Weekend on Feb. 12-14 will be held in my current home in Dallas, TX. Which I'm pretty excited about. But the NBA announced the field for the Slam Dunk contest on Monday, and it included Nate Robinson, Gerald Wallace, Shannon Brown, and either Eric Gordon and DeMar DeRozan (pending a dunk-off).
All fine athletes; I have nothing against any of them. But I was a little excited about the hype generated last year when LeBron, in usual prima donna fashion, would neither confirm nor deny his presence in this year's dunk contest. (For those who are unfamiliar, the slam dunk contest has declined since its pinnacle in the 80s and 90s, as the biggest stars refuse to risk injury by participating.) The announcement, obviously, removes all doubt that he would NOT grace the court of the American Airlines Center.
Enter Shaq. Last night he proposed: "As his manager, I will only allow 'Bron to do the dunk contest if Vince Carter comes back out. If Kobe comes back out and if another big name comes back out ... if we could get a big prize and have half of the money go to the people of Haiti and the other half to the winner. ... I want to see Kobe. I want to see Vince, and I will allow my client to enter."
I guess the only ones who get screwed are those slated to dunk right now. But surely they would gracefully step aside if it involves the disaster relief effort in Haiti.
3. The three most dominant home teams are the Lakers, the Nuggets, and the...
Go ahead. You'll never guess.
The Charlotte Bobcats?? At 18-4, only the purple-and-gold have more home wins (23-3), and Denver is only a half-game better on their home hardwood (18-3). That's after embarrassing the Heat on Monday 104-65. BUT, only the hapless Nets have a worse road record. Don't count on this team making too much noise this season.
4. I prefer the chair-throwing Bobby Knight.
Alright, time for a little break from the NBA, because I just couldn't pass this up.
I've heard nothing but praise for Bobby Knight, as he's made the transition into the broadcasting booth. I hadn't heard him say much, so I didn't have much of an opinion. And I will never question his basketball IQ and analysis.
But as I was watching Kansas State take down the top-ranked Longhorns the other night, Coach Knight made my jaw drop straight to the floor.
The crowd, who had started chanting things like "Overrated" and "Don't Storm the Court" (i.e., we're so good that beating the #1 team in existence is not an upset). And they'd earned that right.
A mildly disgusted Bobby Knight took issue, saying, "I'd love to see in a college game where the fans, instead of degrading an opponent, [saying] 'Overrated! Overrated!', thank their own team and say 'Thank you! Thank you! Well done! Well done!'"
WHAAAT??? They're a crowd at a college basketball game, they're supposed to degrade the opponent. I'm all for sportsmanship, but that's just ridiculous.
And what have they done to Bobby Knight?? Talk about losing your edge. The man who routinely verbally abused referees has now become softer than a marshmallow soaking in a bathtub.
Amazing, especially for a perennially decent team like Phoenix. Don't think I need to say anything else.
6. The 2009-2010 Dallas Mavericks suckrockare very impressiveare depressing ... who ARE THESE GUYS??
I don't quite know what to think of these guys. Allow me to overanalyze:
They never start well, regularly falling behind by double-digits in the first half. Reigning Sixth Man of the Year Jason Terry is in the longest slump of his life, and is shooting well below his career average from behind the 3-point line. Shawn Marion is not producing as much as we thought he would on the offensive end of the floor and on the glass. They can't defend their home court: they even lost at home against a Golden State team that only played 6 men all game long. Then, Josh Howard came back from injury but can't buy a decent game. Seriously, when J-Ho shoots, I'm reminded of watching a younger Tony Romo fling a 32-yarder down the field into double coverage: I choke on my own breath, stumble off of my couch, and yell "Noooo!" to my TV.
But at 28-14, they're second in the Western Conference.
Besides your lucky stars, you can thank: (1) basketball IQ/experience in close games (12-4 in games decided by 5 points or less, and 9 straight wins in 1-point games). (2) Erick Dampier's unprecedented presence anchoring the center spot. (3) Drew Gooden not playing like a knucklehead (after the first week of the season). (4) JJ Barea having a ridiculous stretch starting at the 2-guard. (5) Shawn Marion doing the little things you don't notice, like guarding the LeBrons and the Carmelos of the world, and oh by the way,blocking game-winning shots. (6) A ridiculous road record (15 up and 7 down), including wins on the two most dominant home teams in the league (Lakers and Nuggets), AND (7) Jason Kidd, at almost 37, playing on a whole other intellectual level than the rest of the league.
Oh yeah, and some German guy named Dirk Nowitzki. All he's done is carry the team through its offensive doldrums averaging 25.5 ppg, registered over a block a game, and hit big shot after big shot after big shot (usually of the "Uberman's One-Legged Euro Lean-Back" variety, which DallasBasketball.com famously coined).
And I'm especially bitter tonight, because for some CRAZY reason, he wasn't voted in as a starter into his own town's All-Star game. Tim Duncan, whom Dirk recently beat out to the 20K career points plateau sneaks in at the last minute.
No respect, I tell ya. No respect.
Seriously, I think Duncan, class act that he is, should step aside and let Dirk start, IF ONLY BECAUSE DALLAS IS HOSTING THE GAME. (Well, Arlington, but you know what I mean.)
But back to the point at hand...it's amazing that, despite all that has gone wrong, they are STILL second in the West. Which tells you this team knows how to win, even when things go wrong. That's the hallmark of a great team. They've still got something left to prove in the playoffs, and a ways to go before they even get that shot. But I like where they're at. Only one recommendation, astutely pointed out again by DB.com: start JET at the 2-guard. Get some early scoring punch (a real weakness this year), get J-Ho coming off the bench, and get this team's confidence and swagger back.
7. FINALS PREDICTION
Too tired to provide lots of reasoning, so I'll spare you and end this blog with one simple prediction: LA over Cleveland in 6.
For obvious reasons given the disaster in Haiti a week ago, a significant celestial event that occurred last Friday flew under the radar: only the longest annular solar eclipse that will occur in the next 1,033 years. The following time-lapse video from the Maldives tells the story:
Unless you’re one of my loyal readers from East Africa, the Maldives, and Sri Lanka (you know who you are), you didn’t get a shot at seeing this momentous occasion. No worries, though. If you’re in the U.S., you’ll get your shot in seven and a half years on August 21, 2017. If you know how eclipses work, you know that only a narrow portion of the Earth has the luxury of seeing the brunt of the eclipse:
Don’t know about the rest of you, but if at all possible, I’m heading to western Kentucky to get a shot at this annular eclipse. If you have to miss it, no worries...the moon is scheduled to pass right over my current home, Dallas, TX, on April 8, 2024, resulting this time in a total solar eclipse:
For the record, a total solar eclipse occurs when the Earth intersects the “umbra” portion of the Moon’s shadow and so is totally obscured, while an annular eclipse occurs when the umbra does not reach Earth. In other words, the moon is a smidge farther away during an annular eclipse, and so it doesn’t completely cover the sun, resulting in a ring effect (“annular” comes from the Latin word for ring) and a totally awesome picture:
(Other images of the eclipse from BBC: click here)
A recent advertising campaign used to give me chills, and still does when I run across them on YouTube:
The NBA struck gold when they decided to advertise the NBA playoffs by capturing some of the more eye-popping plays in prior years, applying slow-motion and a black-and-white filter, and placing a haunting solo piano on the audio track with a melody that just screams, "This is the stuff of legend." (See previous post: Where Amazing Commericials Happen)
Commercials only last so long, though, and I always wanted to catch more than the first 30 or 45 seconds of that song. On a whim during a self-declared lull at work today, I hunted for the track and found its original recording: "Everyday", by Carly Comando... (I know. "Comando". Really?)
And then this dude learned how to play it on guitar. Duplicating this feat is now officially on my bucket list.
Here on the eleventh day of 2010, almost three weeks have passed since my last blog. Is that long enough a respite from reading my drivel? Too bad. Take a deep breath, because here I go again...
So 2010 ushered in a new decade. Some will nitpick and say that the dawn of the twenty-teens is just a product of the calendar’s arbitrary starting point. But that’s no fun. And besides, it’s always fun to aimlessly speculate what the next ten years will bring.
For instance. By 2020:
1. English vernacular will have decided what to call the years between 2010 and 2019 in casual conversation.
Think about it. How long after September 11 did it take for people to refer to the disaster as 9/11 (i.e., “nine-eleven”)? And who decided that anyway? Probably some news pundit or political figurehead threw 9/11 out there, along with numerous other phrases that were tossed around. Each phrase probably competed for popularity, until after months and months, we Americans unknowingly decided on 9/11.
Right now, everyone calls 2010 “twenty-ten”, which seems a little cumbersome to me. Just plain ol’ “10” seems so strange to me. 10 what? And perhaps some creative soul will come up with some other way. (“Man, remember that time back in ‘one-oh’? That was crazy wasn’t it?”) But by about June or so (or maybe like 2012), a clear front-runner will emerge.
Time will tell.
2. The French will slowly have conquered American sport.
It all started back in 2001 (!) when Tony Parker Longoria began playing pro basketball for that one team in San Antonio. It took a year or three, but he eventually became a speedy little French thorn in the side of pretty much every team in the NBA except my Dallas Mavericks. (Thank you, Devin Harris and J.J. Barea!) The Mavs tried to get in on the fad as well, with the failed Antoine Rigaudeau experiment. (If “failure” can even adequately describe that debacle...)
But it’s stretching beyond basketball now. Pierre Garçon, in his second year as a Colts wide receiver, caught 47 balls from the greatest QB ever, Peyton Manning, for 765 yards of 4 TDs. (To be fair, he was born in West Palm Beach. But that little dangly thing off the ‘c’ in his last name don’t lie.) And then Early Doucet of the Cardinals has himself the game of his life in a playoff epic against Green Bay? Sacre Bleu!!
This trend will only continue. Starting later this year when Thierry Henry joins the LA Galaxy.
3. President Sarah Palin will have led America to a new age of prosperity and rogueness.
Not really. Bwahahahaaa!
BUT she will dominate the early part of the decade with her constant presence in the media. (Think Jerry Springer-like.) It started today, when she inked a deal with the Fox Fake News Network. I have to think she has her own talk show by the end of the year, whether it’s on a news network or not. I predict that her politics will only go so far, and she’ll eventually join the daytime talk elite.
By the midst of the decade, she will be second in American popularity only to her much awesomer twin sister, Tina Fey.
4. Kobe Bryant will have retired. YAY!
5. Dirk Nowitzki will have retired. Boooo.
6. Jason Kidd, at age 46, will have led the Brooklyn Nets (relocated from Jersey) to their first title to close out the decade. Huh?
This will be no fad, either. But, you could argue it won’t penetrate the market as deeply as HDTV did, because everyone loves a crystal-clear picture, but I feel like the nausea factor might limit 3DTV's use. And besides, would you REALLY want to see C-SPAN 2 in 3D?
8. A woman will play in one of: NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL
Sure, many of you may laugh. You might say the gap between the physical abilities between men and women is significant...not to say better or worse, just really different. My man Dirk Nowitzki on whether women can compete with men in the NBA: “Skills-wise, yeah. But physical-wise, it’s tough. Even all the little guys are pretty strong in this league and pretty athletic.” An NBA exec: “Think about the overall speed, athleticism and strength [in the NBA]. They can’t take the pounding, the wear and tear, the quickness, the strength. It’s not possible for them right now.”
But it’s not really all THAT outlandish, is it? Diana Taurasi and Lisa Leslie? Venus and Serena Williams? You couldn't see the likes of in one of the four major sports leagues? It’s not that hard to imagine, I don’t think.
Ian Thomsen of Sports Illustrated just recently wrote about this prospect in the NBA. Even David Stern, the NBA commish, thinks it possible. And I’ve heard on some talk shows that the prospect is even more possible in baseball or football than in basketball. We’ve already seen female kickers in college football.
It’s hard to deny that it'll take time for this to happen. But not for as long as most people think, I bet.
9. The Simpsons will enjoy its 30-year anniversary.
Why not? And after watching the show's 20th anniversary special last night, I’m betting there are enough fans that can REALLY closely imitate some of these voices should Dan Castellaneta or Julie Kavner retire.
10. None of this matters, because...
Mavericks center Erick Dampier hit a three-pointer the other night:
It’s a sure sign that the Mayans and Roland Emmerick were right. 2012. The apocalypse is nigh...
