Smooth

My shameless obsession with Flight of the Conchords continues...

The End of Snowzilla

Seven front-yards' worth of snow, beer bottles for eyes, and arms that were attached with a power drill. (Insert Tim Allen-style man-grunt here.) That's the only way to build a snowman.

Yes, the bizarre storylines keep spilling from our 49th and largest state. (Including, among others, Sarah Palin's turkey pardon fiasco.) Apparently, this 16-foot snowmonster, dubbed "Snowzilla", has been among the top tourist attractions in Anchorage, Alaska, rivaling the Fraternal Order of Alaska State Troopers Museum (really).

But no more, according to this AP article: "Municipal officials in Anchorage have given a cease-and-desist order to builders of the giant snowman that made appearances the last three years in an east Anchorage neighborhood... City officials deemed Snowzilla a public nuisance and safety hazard. A few weeks ago, code enforcers left red signs at Snowzilla's bottom body ball telling its builders to cease and desist."

So, I formally announce the beginning of the "Save Snowzilla" foundation. Send donations to me; I'll make sure they get to the right place...

Convenient

Credit: Real Life Adventures, by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich

Album Review #8: The Submarines

Declare A New State! (2006), by The Submarines

It was a little over a year ago that, one day at work, Pandora radio served up one of those really obscure songs that, while it plays, can't even find the album art for the song. It caught my attention somehow; maybe it was the aching lyrics, but more likely it was the subtle, electronicky percussion that dotted the melody.

I was so intrigued that, even after a futile attempt to locate the album in person, I actually ordered it from Amazon. Sure enough, no customer reviews yet, but I went for it anyway.

And as it turned out, it didn't take too long for The Submarines to snowball on the indie scene after various compositions made it to TV shows like Nip/Tuck, Weeds, Grey's Anatomy, and even Apple's iPhone 3G ads. Usually I'm not one to toot my own horn, but... beep beep. For once, I actually got into a group before they hit the mainstream.

But enough self-promotion; on to the real heroes. John Dragonetti and Blake Hazard (great-granddaughter of F. Scott Fitzgerald, by the way) comprise the LA duo. Interestingly, the album's conception began when the two romantically involved musicians broke up. As the story goes, they both independently began writing music about their former relationship, ran into each other a little later on, discovered that their songs were about each other, and boom, their debut album was born.

Happy ending, yes, but the pain and sorrow of breaking up ends up being pretty much the sole motif of all ten songs. One particular line from "Brighter Discontent" still haunts me: "A breaking heart in an empty apartment / was the loudest sound I never heard." All this after she laments that a brand new big TV and a new apartment doesn't keep her from noticing her ex-lover still in pictures all over her walls.

The album is only a downer if you sit and read the lyrics from the little booklet that always comes with the CD. Musically, it's a pretty captivating piece of art. It seems like just about every song tries something new: there are several different melodies and rhythms put to use within each track, but not so much that it distracts you (like, say, Beck). Hazard's soaring and lyrical voice hypnotizes me, too.

I also noticed that all of the songs have a deceptively positive key which act as a stark contrast to the lyrics, but may also suggest a slightly optimistic, "light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel" type of attitude for heartbreak. After all, notice the album's title.

Some songs are much weaker than others. "Hope" and "The Good Night" seem to wander around a little bit aimlessly without really mixing anything up like most of the other tracks. To me, the album has a few great songs ("Peace and Hate", "Brighter Discontent", "Darkest Things") and a few adequate ones that have a harder time holding my attention.

Declare A New State! is only about 35-40 minutes long, but that's really all it needs. Despite its weaknesses, the varied and occasionally off-kilter electronic influences and Hazard's stellar and graceful voice make it an interesting listen all the way through. Probably shouldn't buy it for your girlfriend for Christmas, though.

Grade: B+

I Can Do That But I Don't Wanna

For whatever reason, whatever part of my brain is responsible for having inspiration to write has been on the blink of late. Why? Who knows. But thanks to one fellow blogger in particular, I suddenly felt a rush of inspiration. Plus, sitting on my couch and moving only my fingers around the keyboard is all I have the energy to do after a night of lighting up the basketball courts. (Note: by lighting up, I mean playing like Philip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly. I've had better nights.) Hence, I hereby declare my blogging sabbatical over.

Now then.

I've gotten to thinking lately: what can I do that's actually interesting to people? Sure, I do a few off-the-wall and exciting things at my job, including typing, parking in a garage, and (get this!) setting up conference calls. My head is filled with useless trivia, but that's not really something you do. If I had seven seconds to convince someone I was cool, what would I tell them? What can I do that nobody else can?

The list is endless. But unfortunately I don't own a video camera, so you'll have to take my word for it. Luckily, we have YouTube. So, now to debut a new, exclusive Josh In Real Life feature which I'll call "I Can Do That But I Don't Wanna."

But enough with the cheezy introductions. First, this guy:



How about the guitar stylings of Andy McKee:



Awesome...it looks so easy. I tried. It's not.