Hedberg-ians Rejoice! ...and Remember

"Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, they would never solve the crime. 'Hey, look at that dead guy...let's go that way...'"

No matter how many times you hear one of those priceless nuggets of wisdom from the late Mitch Hedberg, it's still hilarious.

"I was at a casino minding my own business. when this guy came up and says, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking the fire exit.' So if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run? If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

Ever see a Mitch Hedberg quote on a Facebook profile, or some other written media (e.g., the previous paragraph)? Just not the same as if you hear it out of his mouth. It's also an interesting phenomenon to watch the transformation of someone from before and after their first exposure to Mitch. At first, you recite a Mitch line, to which the other party gives you a puzzled gaze, thinking, "You seriously think that's funny?" Then you play some actual Mitch clips, and within about two minutes, they're turned into a lifetime fan. That's just how special his delivery is.

"I like vending machines because snacks taste better when they fall."

Mitch died a little over three years ago (wow, already three years). So just when I thought I'd memorized every last Mitch joke, I was sent this article. Do You Believe In Gosh? -- his first posthumous release -- is in stores today. Recorded in January 2005 (two months before he died), it consists of many jokes that were still works-in-progress. But knowing him, they were probably plenty funny already.

"I use a 2-in-1 shampoo, but 2-in-1 is a bullshit term because one is not big enough to hold two. That's why two was created. If it was 2-in-1, it would be overflowing; the bottle would be all sticky and shit..."

So I went to Best Buy right after work today to pick it up, and was surprised to find it had already sold out. The bad: Crap, I wanted it. Today. The good: Apparently, people haven't forgotten how great Mitch was, even after three years. It's a testament to his immense popularity, and it's amazing to think how renowned he would be now if he was still alive.

Now excuse me while I go to sleep, so I can dream about trying again to buy it tomorrow. Or maybe about "building a go-cart with my ex-landlord."