I experienced an epiphany a few weeks ago. Out of nowhere, a pastor who I know quite well extended an invitation for me to become a youth counselor. The possibility intrigued me, but I hesitated for obvious reasons:(1) Could I give such a position the time and attention it deserves? (2) Was I ready to bear the responsibility of being a powerful influence over a child or teen? (3) Would I be able to say the right things in any given situation? (4) I do the church thing occasionally but definitely have a long way to go. Did I have the spiritual knowledge, etc., to qualify me for this gig?
All valid concerns, but the pastor gave me an entirely different reason to question myself. After addressing the above points, he cautioned, “If you want to do this in order to fill a hole in your life, then it’s likely that this isn’t right for you.”
Since hearing those words, I’ve pondered them frequently, trying to understand exactly what they meant. Immediately, they made sense in the context of my decision. Still meandering down the path of self-discovery and maturity, it was apparent that one of the reasons I was considering the counselorship was indeed to fill a hole in my life. As such, I would risk becoming overly dependent on the satisfaction I might get from the position (or maybe overly exasperated) to the point where it might adversely affect my ability to carry out my responsibilities. It was quickly obvious to me that I should pass.
Then, I began to generalize this idea. There are probably many serious undertakings in which a similar approach should be made: if you’re doing something simply to fill a void, then you should think twice about going through with it. Relationships come to mind. So do other forms of volunteering and, in certain contexts, career moves. In each of these situations, it’s healthier to develop a stronger foundation first, at which point you’re ready to tackle the implications of filling the “larger” holes.
However, using this philosophy as a universal reason to avoid trying new things in general is an overcautious way to live, to be sure. Besides, if you follow this too strictly, you end up in a catch-22 situation. How can you fill the holes in your life if you need to be “hole-less” before you are qualified to fill them? By that logic, you’re stuck in an unending cycle.
I think you can draw the line here: if an attempt to fill a hole by taking on a new challenge might significantly affect others’ lives, to the point where a sudden change or your overdependence on the presence of that challenge could negatively affect others around you, then you should think more carefully.
So here was my conclusion: say you’re meandering down that path of self-discovery, still working to fill certain holes in your life. First, aim to seal the smaller holes with individual tasks and responsibilities. Eventually, and naturally, you’ll be able to do things like a youth counselorship -- or any of those important things you could use to fill the “larger” holes.
At least now, I’m still early in my journey, and at times the road to self-discovery seems miles, counties, states away. But as far as I know, maybe it’s just around the bend. And while the holes may at times seem as gaping as that sinkhole in Guatemala City a few weeks ago, maybe they’re just a little more manageable.
2 comments:
His point may have been that the job of spiritual guidance for other people who have these holes of which you speak has a prerequisite of having those holes filled yourself. You're certainly right in that you should evaluate the effects of self-experiments on other people, but this should not stop you from getting unabashedly entangled in new people and activities that you are interested in. More positive than a "hole" metaphor: Think of your life as a house under construction that has certain sections, some of them you already have the roof up over and the cabinets are going in, and some of them the foundation concrete is still curing. Some areas of the foundation hasn't even been poured yet, like that cabana you've always wanted to build. You're not trying to get back up to ground level, you're building up from the ground - only up. It's your project, you just have to decide where you want to do work today.
Absolutely, getting involved with new people is essential in the whole self-discovery process.
I do like your metaphor MUCH better, by the way. The hole-filling analogy was an extension of what the pastor said, but in retrospect, it does seem a little emo. :)
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